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I’ll just stick to Kidz Bop. Kthanx. I saw this new release on iTunes this afternoon, so that’s awesome that SonyBMG is exposing 12-year-old girls to the music their parents listened to in high school, who now yearn for 80’s night at the club. I’m not hating on the 80’s. I love the one-hit-wonders from that era. More specifically I like the hair metal. But I won’t lie; for 80’s day I dressed as Judd Nelson from The Breakfast Club.
Best thing about this album? It’s got Billy Squier. “The Stroke” is probably the best song about flogging the dolphin. How about the other great masturbation tunes?:
- “Turning Japanese”
- “She Bop”
- “I Touch Myself”
- “Dancing with Myself”
- Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-Ling” (!)
- “Strokin”… though I like “Backdoor Santa” more
- “Little Red Corvette”
- “Muscle of Love”
- “Longview”
- “Orgasm Addict”
- “Pump it Up”
- “Blister in the Sun”… which is funny considering how mainstream that single was for The Violent Femmes
- and “Rosie” by Jackson Browne is just plain explicit
I need to bump in to my own “Darling Nikki” one of these days.
Otherwise known as Steak-n-BlowJob Day. Pretty self explanitory… it’s all about meat… and too few women are tragically unaware of this holiday. I’m pretty sure the founding fathers would have wanted this in the Constitution.
I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, women will rush the butcher counter at the last minute, demanding the best cut of beef and paying for it through the nose. “$27/lb? I’ll pay it! Nothing but the best for my man.”
We feel left out. Ladies, if your guy made you feel special on Valentine’s Day then what better way to return the favor than meeting two of his most basic needs… to be fed and receive an unsolicited suck? No mylar balloons or cards could express that kind of love.
Some guys aren’t even aware of this holiday, so why not surprise him tonight? Invite him over and have a steak dinner waiting for him… then, when he least expects it, take advantage of him. I can’t begin to express how much we love this.
And just imagine how much harder we’ll try next February!
Porn stars are invading Atlanta.
That’s correct, the morally-questionable sex industry is invading our beloved “red” state. So I did what any upstanding, liberal male with a healthy libido would do. I went to say Hi.
Last night, Patrick and I paid a visit to an uncharacteristically slow Pink Pony (Theatre and Museum) to watch Jenna Haze get nude for our entertainment. Patrick’s smooth, bald head acts as a beacon in the night, enticing the platform-shoed minx to thrust his face between her breasts. I leaned-back in my chair with an approving grin.
Before calling it a night, I got the obligatory photographic evidence to prove that a porn star will sit on your lap… for a Jackson. I’ll update with the Polaroid once it’s scanned.
Patrick wants to “do it big” for his birthday this year and have it at the strip club. I always felt your bachelor party should be reserved for strip clubs, but hey, I’m not going to complain.
