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Last night I met-up with Tricia and her college buddy Rachel at Brewhouse Cafe in L5P for trivia night. (Me <== Trivia Buff) I managed to get Luke to finally come with me. It’s so hard to convince him to come out, but we’re young… live it up.
So at “halftime,” our team was tied in 4th place after only missing one question about the Brooklyn Dodgers. Then we got greedy and started relying too much on our smartphones and Google, which bit us in the ass and saw us in last place.
So I have a date from Eharmony who gave me her phone number without solicitation and suggested we get together. I appreciate the assertiveness and cutting through the bullshit, but I really don’t know much about this girl. So I’m leaning towards my old-faithful Match.com date scenarios… we meet at a bar and if I’m not feeling it (or vice versa) after one drink then I’ve got an out. Tricia and Rachel couldn’t understand why I would want an easy escape route… like I’m more concerned with what I’ll do if we don’t like each other than if we actually click, going into it with an expected negative outcome. Makes sense. I think it just comes down to how little I know about this girl despite going through Eharmony’s barrage of close and open ended questioning.
If I knew more about her, I’d be more willing to do a more eventful or fun date. The most successful date I ever had from Match.com involved me picking a girl up at her apartment and going to Dave & Busters one weeknight. I only decided on that after I had committed time swapping emails and a couple of phone calls.
I’ve been speaking with a different match from Eharmony for a little over a week, mostly via texting, and we’re going to do something Saturday. She lives in Athens. I dunno how I feel about dating a girl who lives in Athens. As of now, I told her to see if any good bands are playing saturday night and I’ll make the trip. Last time I went out with a girl from Athens, we met at the county fair in Marietta. If I told this girl we could do something half-way between… what would that be? Mall of Georgia? How high school is that?
Another girl is new to the city, less than a year, and works so much she hasn’t really gotten out to meet and see and do. So taking her out will be easy. Anything is win except the Clermont Lounge.
Alright, so I went on two dates in one night and the first person stand me up, another just not in the right mindset to date.
I really took to heart that it didn’t matter, as I always had someone else. That was a huge paradigm shift for me. Hate to spoil the fun, but I didn’t go on my first date until college. Success with women was a huge sticking point for me as early as middle school. Girls I was interested in never liked me and some made it a point to drive that home. There were very few girls I found attractive before college, so I totally lived in a world of scarcity. Friends dated, I was the third wheel. It messed me up to the point where I didn’t even try. Freshman year of college came and went and I moved back home to commute to school. I would occasionally get fixated on one girl who showed a bit of interest and then get hurt. But I began to grow as a person, better late than never, and online dating helped get me over that one particular speedbump.
This was probably two months into my subscription and I had been out on six dates or so. I began to notice a pattern: I felt like I had a good idea of who I was meeting, but my dates had no clue as to what they were getting into.
The only thing I found that soothed their mind/ego was talking on the phone more than I normally would. One girl in particular… the hairstylist, was attracted to me from the get-go but wanted to talk on the phone all the time. By the time we finally got around to meeting she felt like she knew everything there was to know about me. We went to shoot pool at Twain’s in Decatur (where it’s greater) and I could tell she was expecting so much more from me… she idealized this guy in her mind and when I fell short it was over before the date began. You could almost physically see in her eyes her mind retreating into it’s shell. I discovered she lied to me about being a smoker, as she kept going outside to smoke during our game. So finally she said she had plans to go to her friend’s place for something and had to leave. She was dressed-up for a date, not to go hang out at her friend’s house… another lie. “No problem, have fun” was all I said to her as I racked the next game… which I played by myself. Next day she blocked me. :)
The next girl was someone I met from True.com during a ten-day trial. She worked for The Weather Channel. Looked cute, chatted a few times before swapping numbers. I call her one night to set up a date later that week and she says she’ll get back to me. At that point I’m not holding my breath, but to my surprise she called me on my drive home from work to invite me out. Her friends were dragging her to some singles event called “Smyrnabration,” hosted by that god-awful radio station Q100, so I knew it would be equally annoying. I was hesitant about agreeing to go since it was her and her friends and me. I did not want to drive to Smyrna, have things fizzle, and then I’m stuck at this thing by myself. So I persuaded Luke to come along. I called her once I arrived and we agreed on a place to meet. Couldn’t find her. Due to the noise, we played phone tag for a bit. Then we happened to bump into Tricia and some of her college friends, so now I had a posse. While walking around I saw this really cute redhead in glasses. Upon closer examination, it was my date.
She was super glad to see me and we walked over to a bar to get some beer. About that time my friends found me and I introduced everyone. Then her girlfriends came up and I met them. Apparently they had come to find her because one of them was getting creeped-out by some guy and wanted to drag her off. I told her we’d meet up later. Well, she never answered her phone again. We stayed until the place began to close. I was then convinced that some kind of girl-code had transpired right before my eyes and her friends were there to “save” her. I dunno if they didn’t like me or if they talked some sense into her… maybe her friend really was so self-centered that she’d drag her friend away from a cute guy because some other guy is making her uncomfortable. Or maybe it was one of those “I’ll blink three times if I don’t like him, then you come bail me out” strategies. Thank God for friends who will go to events like Smyrnabration with you, because that one was probably the biggest bust of my “career.”
one more cliche to my drinking game, this one being Atlanta-specific:
- Pictures or text professing how much you LOVE the Georgia Bulldogs football program.
It seems like every young woman in Atlanta has moved back here from UGA, and that’s all their life was up until this point.
In other news, the Navy is going to blow something out of the sky tonight!! Everyone go watch the lunar eclipse too. We won’t get another until 2020.
After cramming two dates into one night, I knew that I would enjoy Match.
Now I know I’m not a hot piece of ass with model good looks, but I think I picked some good pictures of myself. I know I wrote a clever profile that raises a little intrigue. But I also learned that girls get bombarded with emails from guys as soon as their picture goes up. So if you don’t do something to get their attention early, your profile and email will get buried in a sea of hopeless fools. Some are just “trying it out” and don’t know how to react to so many guys writing them; some like the attention, others wish they could have their money back.
Every time I saw a girl I wanted to talk to, I sent her a note to get her attention and show that I actually read her profile. Over a seven month period I probably wrote to more than 100 singles. Did all of them write back? Hell no. But I was batting about 0.783, and to quote the kid that failed English, “that ain’t not bad.” Suggest swapping numbers, chat for a few one night and agree to meet somewhere. The few girls who didn’t play along were probably not that interested in meeting a cool guy in the first place.
I quickly noticed the “type” of girls who were looking to date: good job, yet work all the time (teacher, medical field, grad student, professional). All were very devoted to this part of their life… maybe too much so, because it never gave them a chance to meet single people their age. And in dating them, I could tell that it would be hard for them to make time for another person they so deeply wanted to meet.
So after the two-dates-in-one event, I had my first lunch date stand me up. Karma is a bitch, no? I drank that beer and deleted her number with great relish. For the first time in my life I did not care. I did not care because I had the numbers of three other women who wanted to meet me ASAP. That was the only time I was ever stood-up.
I guess the next match which springs to mind was the art teacher. We swapped flirty bantering for a week before she gave me her number. When I called her we must have talked for over an hour, agreed to hang out one afternoon. Something came up and I canceled in advance.
A few days later we shared another long phone conversation, with her steering the conversation more sexual than I would have liked for someone I had never met… but I played along, setting another date. A few days before the date, she called and I had it go to voicemail. She more or less wanted to see if I was free that night…. to come over to her place. I had a prior engagement, so I didn’t. After that she canceled on me and became much less interested. I pursued other interests and occasionally called to say Hi. (I don’t know why) After playing phone tag for a while, she finally asked if we could get coffee in L5P one Sunday afternoon. Too short notice for me, as I was working. I pretty much didn’t care anymore… the initial spark and chemistry we had was long gone.
For some reason, I still had her number months later in October. So I texted her during a Decemberists concert at the Variety Playhouse. Naturally, she had no idea who I was but was willing to play along. I did not go easy on her. Finally on Halloween as I was en-route to a party at Park Tavern, she called me. Actually, she had her girlfriend call me and try to figure out who I was. I could hear her drunk and giggly in the background like a 13 year old. She finally got on the phone and remembered who I was… then lost interest in playing and abruptly hung-up. By that time in my adventures I REALLY didn’t care.
People love cliches. You can throw out a cliche and people will understand what you’re saying without any real effort on your behalf. Online dating is full of them. Both genders are guilty of it and I think it stems from lack of effort and breaking Rule #2, knowing thyself well.
Since I don’t go around reading too many guy’s profiles, I began to see patterns in girl’s profiles. At first I just thought they were being coy. After seeing it often enough, I could practically guess what a girl’s profile would say before I even opened it. It helped me understand how to be successful at this via what NOT to do, and the girls who actually put forth effort were more intriguing to me and we both had fun.
So, just for a break of pace, when you’re ready to have a drinking game with your buddies…
1) Go to a female-saturated dating site and read over some profiles
2) Drink every time you hit one of these babies. I guarantee – you’ll be good and plastered in an hour. Probably less.
- “I love to travel.”
- “I like to have fun”
- “I love my family and friends”
- “I like the outdoors.”
- “I like to go out, but I also like quiet evenings too.”
- “I’m really into (insert local sports team).”
- “I’m tired of jerks/playing games.” / “I’m ready for a real relationship.”
- “I love my dog(s)/cat(s)”
- “I just moved from ____”
- “I’m usually shy at first…”
- “I love my (son/daughter) more than anything.”
- “(Referring to a picture with a child) That’s a picture of my nephew.”
- Answers to the “Book you most recently enjoyed:” “The Secret,
“The Notebook,” “The Devil Wears Prada,” or “The DaVinci Code.” Pretty much anything with Oprah’s seal of approval. - Answer to “Non-physical trait most people notice” : “My smile.”
- “I work hard, but I play hard too.”
- In regards to “Something only your best friends know:” “That’s why only they know it”/”I guess you’ll have to become my best friend to find out”
3) Chug if you see the following pictures:
- “Holding her pet(s)”
- “Pictures of JUST her pet(s)”
- “Holding random kids”
- “Pictures of sunsets, trees, landmarks (and she’s not in any of them)”
- “Drinking wine or cocktails”
So not quite two years ago I made up my mind about meeting new people of the female persuasion. I was out of school, had a job (that I hated) and a ton of free time. I had dabbled in online dating before with poor results. I just didn’t know the rules.
Rule #1 – Pictures are of utmost necessity. Need proof? Ask me about the “she didn’t sound fat on the phone” story.
Rule #2 -Know thyself well and know what you’re looking for. If you don’t know yourself and what makes you unique, you’ll never be able to put into words that someone will read and feel like they need to meet you. And if you just go into the woods without a map, you’ll end up on a lot of bad dates.
Rule #3 – Get her off the computer or else you’ve got a pen-pal. If something about her interests you (besides her looks), then let her know. Suggest talking on the phone for a bit, then make plans soon thereafter.
Rule #4 – If she’s looking for dates online, logically she’s not doing so well finding decent men. Same goes for you. It’s like two needles finding each other in a giant haystack.
So with knowledge and confidence, I dove-in feet first. Within no time I was talking to a few girls via email and others waiting for my call. My first date since graduation was a memorable one, not so much for the outcome, but to show myself just how confident I had become. I arranged to meet one girl for a bite to eat in the evening at The Vortex on P’tree. A different girl, who I wasn’t as attracted to, lived nearby. So to kill time I invited her to have a beer with me at The Vortex, thereby scheduling two dates back-to-back. My plan sort of backfired, in that my dinner date showed before I could end my drinks date… so I had to introduce, pretending each were just friends. My dinner date was turned-off immediately, though she still stayed. She couldn’t believe I would “hit on” another woman while waiting on her to get there. Dinner was equivalent to a CIA-level interrogation which ended coldly. The other girl just wanted to be friends, which was fine by me as she was the tomboy type and into playing basketball after work with large black men. She confessed later that she had no idea I was meeting the other girl for a date, and that she honestly thought we were friends.
I never pulled that stunt again. Those were the first, but far from the last dates I would have from Match that year.
