Did Anybody Else Feel That?

As I mentioned in my last post, my ex and I are trying it again and I’m going into it with cautious optimism. “But Andy, what about the other girls you were dating and what of Eharmony?” you must be asking.

Apparently getting back together with your ex sends shockwaves of bad karma through your dating life.

The physical therapist broke a date with me for this past Wednesday night… one that she instigated. If you remember, she wanted to see each other friendly/casually and I agreed, so when she asked me out to dinner I knew she wasn’t bullshitting me. I was annoyed because I told her that I wouldn’t be finished at work until 6:30 and wouldn’t be free until 7. She’s texting to see where I am and eventually asks to reschedule before I even get to my car… on grounds that she’s hungry now so she started fixing herself dinner and wanted to be in bed early. Let’s see if she makes this up.

I hadn’t seen the interior designer for nearly two weeks; she took a vacation and I invited her to my birthday extravaganza the following weekend. She didn’t make it, but wanted to give me a “birthday surprise” last Sunday. (Something tells me it wasn’t balloon animals)

I felt like poo, so declined and we agreed on today (Friday). She texted me Wednesday afternoon to cancel, so I called when my plans fell through for that night. It was then that she informed me that she doesn’t want to see me anymore outside of friendship. I had just been flaked on, so I wasn’t in the mood to discuss our inadequacies as partners. My belief is that if you want out, you’re out… no discussion necessary. I just said, “Okay. I’m not looking to jump into a relationship now anyway. Bye.” Totally caught me off guard. Ever notice that many relationships have a see-saw effect: one person is more interested/attracted/invested than the other? I was the latter. We saw each other for about a month. Nothing serious, but I honestly believe there was potential. I have no clue what caused her to change her tune all of the sudden, but my brother’s theory is that a cold shudder went up her spine as soon as I agreed to start seeing J again. (Kind of like when you stick an icecube down the back of your beloved’s pants… how about that for foreplay?)

I’ve still got another couple of weeks on Eharmony. The last couple of women I’ve gotten to the email stage with fizzled out, as I really wasn’t interested in dating more than a couple of women. So I’ll work through my new matches and see if any interest me. That sounds so bad – I’m sure all of these women are awesome people in reality, they just do a terrible job of being engaging in a personals ad. Apparently I am halfway through a free one month subscription to Chemistry. Glad they let me know that I was getting a free month. Those matches are generally just God-awful.

Lately I’ve been really focused on work; looking for a new job and picking-up event hours whenever/wherever I can. New biz isn’t coming like I expected. I spent the past three days at the airport meeting VIPs at the arrivals gate and escorting them to their ride. Easy, mind-numbing, standing-intensive work but the pay is fantastic. Let’s put it this way, I almost paid my car bill in less than 20 hours.

Today I interviewed at an interactive new media advertising agency near Ga Tech and I feel that it went well, with my agency background being a huge plus in my column. I Facebook’ed the girls who interviewed me and laughed when I saw they not only graduated after me (UGA, go figure), but are my younger brother’s age. No doubt we’ll have our fair share of happy hours together.

PS – For those of you that realized that the picture above is of the Transformer, Shockwave, you have earned a beer on me.

Big-Ass Birthday

Saturday was the day I decided to celebrate my birthday, five days late. Face it, Monday birthdays blow. No one is free to do anything, you can’t stay out late, etc. So I put on my party planning pants (they’re plaid) and sent out Evites to my peeps. Up until then, I had only received (and ignored) Evites but never actually tried to use them. It’s kind of sad. The site tells you who has read the invitation, and who gives enough of a shit to actually respond “Yes” or “No”… all the while you’re thinking that your friends don’t like you as much as you had assumed.

All in all, I had 15 people join me for dinner at Agave in Cabbagetown. I had never organized such a large gathering before, as I usually hang-out with my friends in little groups. This time I made them all sit at the same table, forcing homogeny between personalities. Everything went well until there were issues with paying the bill…. tension was palpable and my stomach tied itself into a knot because the control freak in me was losing the battle of having an evening with zero conflict.

After that, most of us went to the Highlands and met up with some of my other friends… the fun, bar-hopping variety. Went to my fave spot, the 10 High for Metalsome karaoke. I like it because it’s a small, dark club with unpretentious people and PBR. I like the music and it’s fun to sing along while people rock out. Little to my knowledge (actually, I should have expected this in advance), I would be one of those people rocking out. Beth snuck off and signed me up to sing some Def Leppard, “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” I totally wouldn’t have picked that, but screw it. So I drank my courage in the form of THREE jager-bombs and TWO PBR tall boys. Climbed on stage with the band and had fun; played up the crowd and at least sang all the words… can’t say it sounded pretty though. So I got my Metalsome cherry popped. People I didn’t know where giving me high-fives. Girls were approaching me to converse. I need to do that every weekend!

In other news, I went to dinner tonight with my ex. She is a totally different person now. She’s funny and has a great attitude. She cut her hair and lost some weight. She’s dealing with her issues, or at least is trying to which counts for a lot. I see in her eyes that she’s still in love with me and knows she was wrong.

I immensely enjoyed the time we spent together tonight. Many of my friends thought it would be a bad idea to see her, but I always try to be the bigger person. I wanted closure. I got it, and a proposal for a fresh start. I’m more attracted to her now than I ever was before. If this is the person she wants to be now, then I’m willing to try it again… but I’m enforcing a speed limit.

The Perfect Woman

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. About six feet tall… 300 pounds… No, a woman is more like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you’d step over your own mother for one. But you can’t just stop at one. Soon you’ve gotta have another woman…

During my daily blog crawl, I came upon an idea that really struck a chord with me. VK has decided that this week is The Perfect Woman Week. Each day of the week, a fellow blogger will create a post on their respective site around the theme of “The Perfect Woman.”

In his own entry, he spoke of a woman he met at a club and brought home. She appealed to his senses as the perfect physical specimen. But it wasn’t until after sex that he truly appreciated her. She asked if he was thirsty, then went downstairs to his kitchen and brought back a glass of ice water for him.

The image of her walking through my bedroom door, in that dress, holding a glass of ice water for me is a portrait in my mind of selflessness. It’s in the simplest of acts that you learn everything you’ll ever need to know about a woman. If she’s kind, if she’s loving, if she’s faithful, if she’ll make a good mother, if she’s the one you take home to your mother.

To me the idea of the perfect woman is a woman who’s willing to put other’s needs before her own. It’s the willingness to please the guy she cares about. It’s the natural nurturing vibe she can give off with a smile. It’s a warmth and tenderness that lets you know that no matter how strong you are, behind closed doors you’re allowed to be weak in front of her and she won’t hold it against you. You’re safe. Someone who’s patient enough to understand that you’re far from perfect but that you’ll come through when it counts.

Today’s blogger, T, breaks things down into a how-to guide for an aspiring “perfect woman.” He believes it ultimately goes back to feminism and the woman’s desire to be respected and equal to men… through trying to be just like men and thereby losing much of what makes them feminine and universally attractive.

Progress to women has increasingly become getting the corner office, working long hours, going to grad school, racking up sex partners, not learning to cook or do housework and binge drinking on the weekend, while giving up a lot of the things that made them unique and strong as women.

Instead of complementing the male gender, the female of the species now aims to duplicate the male gender, and she’s lost a lot of what made her so special to begin with. But the worst part of modern feminism? It made it so that any attempt to please or cater to a man was automatically seen as a sign of weakness, self-hate or even glorified slavery. If a woman chose to stay at home and be a housewife she was a pariah. Cooking for a man or doing housework became a form of oppressive servitude. Then it reached the point where catering to and building up the male ego became the same as devaluing your worth as a woman.

Pre-Birthday Bullshit

Friday night I made dinner for the physical therapist. I asked a couple of my friends what they thought would be a nice meal to prepare and narrowed it down to pesto-marinated chicken stuffed with mozzarella and spinach, served with pasta and homemade sauce. Bought all the stuff for that and forgot garlic, so I stopped at the store on the way to her house. I started to buy some carrot cake from the bakery (as I remembered that it was her favorite) but called to make sure she hadn’t already covered dessert. She said she had, and it was a surprise. Yeah for surprises.

Got to her place and she watched me cook. Dinner was really good and I should pat myself on the back for that. We drank wine and talked about my Dad, who is physically handicapped and in need of some physical therapy. She has been interested in meeting him since day one. Though this was only the third date, it seems like we’ve been seeing each other longer… I definitely opened myself up more to her than the other girl.

We popped-in a DVD and sat in the floor because her dog decided that she wanted the couch to herself. I wrapped my arm around her and she snuggled-up… but when I leaned in to kiss her she didn’t move her head to meet me, so I got a cheek. I jokingly commented about her shyness, despite the fact that we were alone and watching a movie on her couch in a dark, candle-lit apartment. Then came the surprise…

She went in the laundry room for a minute and came out holding a birthday cake, complete with lit candles. She baked me a birthday cake. In that moment, I think I started to fall for this girl. I blew-out the candles and pulled her close and kissed her on the lips. She didn’t mind. I told her that I think it would be okay for her to meet Dad, but he’s got a very negative attitude and can be offputting… so I was concerned about him upsetting her and I don’t want that to happen because I like her. I admitted that I liked her. I couldn’t stay the night, so I took some cake for the road and told her about my tentative birthday plans next weekend and that her presence was requested. She kissed me on the lips goodnight (she finally made a move) and I drove home happy… happy that I no longer had any doubts about whether she liked me.

So Sunday comes and I hang out with Patrick and his girlfriend all day. We went to the Braves game and got something to eat in L5P. Went home, took a nap and watched Star Wars on cable. Then I got around to checking my email….

I had a message from her and the first sentence reads: “So I am going to write lots down because I am horrible at saying them.” Shit.

To paraphrase, she just wants to be friends. Due to a bad 4-year relationship (there is always a bad past relationship, isn’t there), she will not allow herself to move towards a new relationship unless she’s feeling 100% about it. She wanted to wait and see how Friday went before she made up her mind. The sweet text messages/emails, the dates, baking a birthday cake, the interest in my father’s well being… all things done by a naturally kind, generous girl that made me fall for and open-up to her more so than the other. And now I’m upset… on my birthday. It’s days like this that make me not want to open my heart to others and I wish she would have just ignored me after the first date like your average girl who isn’t feeling it, rather than continuing to see me and feel conflicted the whole time.  I wasn’t too sure about her until after Friday too… it’s just funny how we both decided two different things.

She’s open to talking about it with me and still wants to help Dad. I texted her after a stiff drink and confirmed receipt of the Dear John-esque email, taking her up on the offer to talk about it and requesting that we do it in person rather than via phone. I think we could be friends. It’s much easier to say that when you’re dating other people… I just wish Friday night hadn’t happened, or at least went as well as it did. Better now than a week/month from now.

Weekly Wrap-Up

Tuesday was Janell’s birthday. Lots of people I hadn’t seen in months, some “hot Germanic wine,” and Laura’s killer enchiladas. She was leaving for Louisville the next morning for a trucker convention event. She showed me pictures of the “snowbunny” models they booked. I kept expressing my need for the blonde’s phone number, but Janell refuses. Guess she’s looking out for me.

Thursday night I had dinner over at interior designer’s place. Then we watched 3:10 to Yuma, which wasn’t as good as I had heard. But she won a ton of points for asking her friend for a kick-ass recipe and then trying her hand at it. Enchiladas suizas with guac. I’ve totally been on a southwest kick lately. Also had my favorite beer in her fridge. I knew I wanted to be with J when she bought a case of my favorite beer and had it in the fridge the first time I ate over. So girls, figure out his favorite beer and have some on-hand. I didn’t stay the night, but left pretty late. I think she’d be a great girlfriend, but I’m not ready to make that call.  Sucks that she has three roommates.

Since I knew I would need to get up at 3 AM on Sunday, I made it a point to relax beforehand. So Friday night I made Hamburger Helper and Luke came over to watch basketball for a while. Saturday I tried to cut the grass, but the damn battery on the lawn tractor was dead and wouldn’t take a charge. Then it rained… a lot. And it kept raining… a lot. I took Benadryl and beer and was out like a light by 10 PM.

Marathon morning. Rainy and cold. I was the only idiot who wore shorts. We got the truck unloaded and got the water ready right about the time the wheelchair racers came through. Shortly behind were the front-runners of the half marathon. By the time I left at 10 AM I was freezing, stiff and hoarse. But I loved it. Didn’t see physical therapist, but she said she finished the half with a decent time. I texted her saying that I missed her and was looking forward to seeing her as the high point of my day. She wrote back later that night saying she was hurting and was trying not to move until Monday AM.

Then the boss man organized a Blue Planet Run 07 reunion since so many of the runners were in Atlanta for the marathon. We ate at this swanky place called the Peasant Bistro on Park Ave. Great view of the Park and World of Coke and they had this awesome specialty: sweet potato ravioli. Drool. Then we grabbed a drink across the street at Stats, a new sports bar on Marietta St. It was then that I saw the score of the Kansas/Davidson game and wished that I could have seen it.

Headed out in a few minutes to the Braves’ home opener. It should be awesome.

Happens Every Time…

Seems like every time I meet a girl from an online dating venture for the very first time, there is this split-second look of disappointment… maybe not even disappointment exactly, but you can tell that I don’t look exactly as she envisioned in her mind’s eye.  Not that it really matters, because shortly she’ll warm-up to me as if we hadn’t even met online.  It’s just funny to me.  Sure, there will always be a few people who are hung-up on physical disparities and can’t get beyond it (maybe that’s why they never have any luck) but to most it is a passing thought.

Another first date tonight.  Another girl I want to see again.  She was a little hard to read also, the non-verbal stuff wasn’t as much of a dead giveaway as with some women I’ve dated.  Could have been nervousness.  The nervous jitters don’t really affect me any more… probably because I’ve learned to detach myself from the outcome and just take things for what they are, becoming less “desperate” and more of the laid-back, smart, funny guy that women want.  I want to learn more about her, but physically she’s totally what I go for.  Older than me as well.

Tomorrow night the interior designer is cooking me dinner and we’re making it a Blockbuster night.  It appears that I won’t be able to do the same with the physical therapist until next Friday or Saturday, but maybe I’ll see her at the marathon.  The actress seems to be too busy lately, so I’m considering a demotion (or maybe just being friends with her altogether) and replacing her with the girl from tonight.   I never did meet the girl who works at the zoo and honestly at this point I really don’t care if I ever will… the initial “oomph” is gone.

Hard to Read

The physical therapist and I had our second date Friday night.  Showed me around her apartment.  Her dog likes me, which always wins points with the would-be girlfriend.  Same goes for roommates, friends, Moms and Grandmoms.

We went to Chow Baby on Howell Mill.  I heard about this place via a story on channel 46 news (it was a positive review, no bad health scores) and had been eager to try it out.  It’s a create-your-own stir fry/Mongolian BBQ joint with kick-ass mojitos.  I would TOTALLY recommend it to anyone, though if you go for lunch or dinner on the weekend it may be very busy and crowded… as it was Friday night.

We talked about memories of being children and stories from work.  She’s got big, expressive eyes which I love.  I can usually tell a lot about a person from their eyes; where they look when they’re remembering something can tell you if they are a more visual person or if they are more  kinesthetic… meaning they feel things at a deep level.  The theatre major I’m dating is the latter.

We finished-up dinner and drove to Dave and Buster’s in Marietta.  She did something so cute on Thursday night when I called to tell her when I’d be picking her up.  She had no clue as to what Dave and Buster’s was, so she didn’t know how to dress.  Was it more a club?  Was it more of a sports bar?  I take that as a good sign, as she wants to look good for our date but not out of place.

We played games all night.  She beat my ass pretty good in basketball and I sorta beat myself in air hockey.  Any time we won tickets we always found some cute kid to hand them off to… it was really cool to see the kid’s eyes light up when she handed him a couple of hundred tickets so he could get that stuffed Elmo or whatever.  We joked around all night, brought up inside jokes… flirted.  I would put my hand on the small of her back or around her waist to pull her in… squeezed her thigh just above the knee… interlocked my fingers in her’s when we pushed the button on some game together.  When I dropped her off and gave her a hug and kiss goodnight, she gave no objection to the kiss (nor to any of the other physical touches) yet she didn’t kiss back.  It was like kissing the back of your hand.  I’m thinking she just takes things much slower than any other girl I’ve dated.  I typically enjoy doing flirty push-pull type of interactions with girls who are attracted to me and they always eat it up, but I haven’t with her yet.  Maybe I should.

I’m having a hard time reading her interest and attraction towards me… which may be why I’m more interested in her than the other two girls who are obviously into me.  For the third date I’m planning to cook dinner for her at her place.  We’ve talked about going to Braves games and hiking/running together, but I want some alone time.

Come on Ride this Train

After a successful third date on Tuesday with interior designer, we move along to Thursday night. Initially I was going to spend the evening with the lovely physical therapist, however, her mother decided to visit this week and spend the evening with her tonight. She called me Wednesday afternoon to inform me of this revelation, citing that she didn’t want to deal with the intensive Q&A that would arise if she told her Mom that she had a date. I could tell she felt badly about canceling and wanted to reschedule ASAP.

So we’re going out tomorrow night instead. It’s Luke’s birthday, but he doesn’t seem too gung-ho about turning 26. We shall dine at Chow Baby on Howell Mill. Has anyone eaten there before? I’ve been to the whole stir-fry/Madarin grill sort of restaurant before in Kansas so I know what to expect. I’ll thoroughly enjoy it, I just hope she will and isn’t a finicky eater. Can’t stand that, personally. My brother and father are like that.

So with a free Thursday evening, I whipped-out my cell phone and called the theater girl who I have wanted to meet for quite some time now. We got a late drink at Front Page tonight… which turned into a three hour first date. I’m getting quite good at those. Unlike last week’s first date, I want to see her again soon. I see a lot of my ex in this girl, but I’m trying to decide if she possesses the good qualities or the bad ones.

Now you may be asking: “RA, it’s March Madness… what kind of heterosexual man would date a time like this?!?”  I’ll admit, I was a little upset when I left the house during halftime of the Duke game and returned to see the final score.  But last time I checked, Greg Paulus neither smells nice nor wants to make out with me.  And he’s kinda flat-chested… not that I care about that sort of thing.

Eharmony in a Nutshell

So for any of you who have dabbled in Eharmony at some point, you might have noticed that you must go through multiple stages of communication before you’re allowed to freely speak with your match.

Easily, the Largest Man I’ve Ever Seen

Last night was the double date.  I picked her up at her place, met her roommate, etc.  Then we hauled ass over to the Vortex to get a burger and beer before the show.  Patrick and his girlfriend joined us and, if I were a less confident man, would have totally embarrassed me with the stories told in those 45 minutes.  But she was a good sport and joined-in.

We walked down to the Variety and I thoroughly enjoyed that show.  We upped the physicality a little.  When she went to the bathroom, Patrick’s girlfriend nearly jumps clear over him to talk to me about her.  Apparently both of them think we’re a good match.  So anyway, I’m not the type of guy who openly does PDA in front of my friends.  I walked her to the door and we made out a bit under the yellowish glow of the porch light.  I didn’t stay, though I probably would have if the situation were different.

I don’t think I’m pursuing any “new” people on Eharmony.  I need to tactfully deal with what I’ve already got.