You take the good…

J and I have been back together for just over a month and so far things are great.  She’s only had one “bad day” and it reminded me of how things were and provided a great contrast to how things are now.

She injured her hand at work in late April and has needed my help to do things like hauling her to the surgeon/pharmacy/grocery store.  We’ve been to the Braves game and the movies… eaten dinner quite a bit (which is getting kind of expensive and I’ve been using my credit card, a big no-no for me usually).  The difference this time is that she actually pays for some of this stuff now.  We’ve made it clear that things need to be equal between us now.  There are still a few things that get on my nerves, but as long as we’re talking about them I don’t see any problems and I’m happier with her now than I ever was before.

As my last couple of entries mentioned, I have great difficulty living with my father.  The responsibility of taking care of an aging parent conflicting with the life of a 26-year-old, to butting heads with his care giver… it’s just stressing me out.  My brother has decided he is moving out in July.  Now I’m really stuck here…. mainly because I don’t want the house/property to go to shit.  Nobody else will do it, at least not well.

Money and the lack of work is really starting to eat away at my spirits.  I do some contract work here and there, an event or two on the weekends.  It’s usually just enough to pay my bills (the minimums at least) and comes at just the right time, but I’m sick of it.  If I weren’t at home, I’d be screwed.  The job search has been intimidating and frustrating.  I’ve been looking for something since Feb and despite landing a few interviews, nothing has come of it.  I follow all the leads my networking contacts toss my way, but there is something I’m missing… something isn’t coming together for me.  I dunno if it’s a lack of solid experience  (which I doubt) or if I’m chasing the wrong carrot.

I’m constantly told that “the” account is happening soon and the agency wants me to be on it, but I’ve been told that since March.  That is what I’m really holding-out for, as it will provide me with the account management experience that I think I need.  They throw me some bones here and there when I ask, but it’s not steady.  It would be perfect as a supplement, but not as a primary source of income.

Otherwise, what is a guy with a Bachelor’s in communication supposed to do to find work?  I finished college, so I believe I’m above working a retail/wage-job like Target or Best Buy (though I did it during Christmas… yep, no job search luck then either) or becoming a pharmacy tech again.  I’ve been too proud to inquire about unemployment benefits, but I think it’s time to go down and find out about it.  Maybe they can help out in the job search too.

Ugh.  At least I’ve got a loving girlfriend and friends.  And Batman is coming out in a couple of months.

Yahoo Girlfriend

For the past few months, my Dad has been exchanging communications with a really desperate widow over Yahoo messenger. She sent him a V-day card by busting-out her Sherlock Holmes skills and finding our address and landline number on the net.

He asked Corey and I how we felt about him talking to a woman. I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I think everyone deserves some companionship and a friend to talk to… even after your partner dies. However, I also don’t like the idea of my Dad seeing another woman. Mom told me in conversation long ago that if Dad were to die (and this was when there as a good chance he might) she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to meeting new people.

So they’ve spoken on the phone a lot and since April she has been over to visit him… usually for 8 or more hours at a time… just watching movies and talking is ear off about every facet of her life. I try not to have much interaction with her but I can see that she likes my Dad whereas he’s just looking for a friend and someone else/new to depend on instead of handling things himself.

Yep… I’ve got two people who are always in my house that I try to avoid like the bubonic plague.

“I Loathe You”

That is how I would put it nicely.  I absolutely abhor (or some other synonym which even further demonstrates my hatred) my father’s caregiver.  He had both his legs amputated before I graduated college, so more than 3 years ago now.  He has made no effort to rehab himself to a point where he can… I dunno… take care of himself.  Mom took care of him and my brother and I helped out when we could.  Then Mom died.  So Corey and I had no option but to pay agencies to send caregivers each day so he can be utterly dependent upon them in lieu of us. (Okay, there is the option of sending him to an assisted-living facility… but I can’t do that to my father.  He hadn’t been the greatest male figure in my formative years, but I can’t put him in a “home”)

Anyway, caregivers come through here like we’ve got a revolving front door…. either by their own crappy work ethic (no-showing) or Dad exercising his rights as a well-minded-senior-citizen and firing them because he has a bad day.  After a year of this, I managed to get him on a State program with Medicaid which provides much more care in exchange for a cost share.  It helps since he has no retirement pension of his own (he’s the beneficiary of Mom’s) and is drawing Social Security early as his sole source of income.

The whole point of the caregiver is to provide me and my brother some help so we can work and have a social life… ideally until he can become less dependent on others.  This includes his personal needs, cooking for him and doing a little housework each day.  The girl who has been coming for most of this year has progressively gotten lazier and unprofessional in my eyes.

She makes grocery lists and goes to the store whenever she feels like it even though I buy what we need once a week, that gets expensive when you’re on a budget.  She doesn’t clean-up very well after cooking, I can’t find anything in my own house anymore, she has folded and stored clean-yet-still-damp towels in the bathroom a couple of times, and instead running a Swiffer over our floor occasionally she’ll watch Maury while dinner is cooking or talk to my Dad about the ghetto drama going on in her life.  (I’ve always hated listening to ghetto drama and gossip in my previous jobs… now it’s in my house.  Watching my TV.  On the clock.)

Dad likes her, so I’ve expressed my concerns to him in hopes that he’ll pass the info along.  If he did, she must not have been listening.  I guess she figures that since he’s in bed all day then he doesn’t know what goes on outside of their direct interactions… so she’s can do as much (or as little) as she wants and do it in a manner that she wants.  Because of this, I don’t talk to her anymore… if I did it wouldn’t be pretty.

In a nutshell, instead of helping Corey and me it’s been a big cause of stress because I’m constantly angry at her.  I come home from work in the evening and she’s here doing her thing and I’m immediately struck with a wave of irritability.  So I’ve been very dodgy lately and avoid being in the house at the same time.  I’ll stay late at work or leave early in the morning.  I’ll spend a lot of time at J’s.  Tonight I came home, saw her car in the driveway and turned around and hung out at Wal-Mart for an hour.

I realize that anyone we get in here isn’t going to meet the high standards I expect in the workplace, because quite frankly, if they met those standards they might not be in this line of work.  We haven’t exactly had a lot of winners here as I mentioned earlier.  I just see it as disrespectful to me (and my Mom) that, in an effort to help me, I ask you to do things the way I’d do them (and the way my Mom always did them) and you almost purposefully disregard my requests…. and then wonder why I don’t like you.

This Is Good for a Quick Laugh

A 77-year-old woman is trying to collect a 147-year-old debt from the city of Tampa. During the Civil War, shortly after Florida joined the Confederacy, her great grandfather loaned the city a modest $300 to purchase defensive supplies. She is in possession of an IOU, made out to her ancestor and signed by the then mayor of Tampa. Accounting for inflation and 8-percent interest, her great-grandfather is owed roughly $23 million.

Naturally, the modern-day City of Tampa has told her to take a long drive off a short pier (damn, did I actually just say that?). Rather than calling Tampa during dinner and mailing letters full of shame-inducing language, she’s decided to enforce her right as an American and sue their pants off. When asked by NPR as to why she’s collecting the debt now, she replied “better late than never.”

Now Tampa has a lot of very good reasons why this debt isn’t valid, namely that the loan was paid in Confederate dollars. Last time I checked, the Treasury isn’t printing that particular currency because THE UNION WON THE CIVIL WAR FOUR YEARS LATER. Have you ever seen this Confederate currency? It wasn’t standardized because of how scarce supplies such as engravers and printers were in the South. Basically, they got by with whatever they had. The money had images of notable CSA politicians and military leaders like Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, and “Stonewall Jackson.” (or, you could just go stare at Stone Mountain for a while) Other aspects of Southern culture was represented on the bills, such as slaves smiling happily while picking cotton and receiving Kunta Kinte-level beatings. States and banks minted their own bills, counterfeiting was rampant, and by the time everyone realized they probably weren’t going to win this one, the Confederate dollar had about as much purchasing power as the Iraqi Dinar.

This lady would probably do better submitting this IOU to the Antiques Roadshow than as evidence in a court of law.

Screen on da Green

Yes, our time honored tradition of stealing ideas from other cities continues this summer as Atlanta’s Screen on the Green will be held in Centennial Park. Have you seen the line-up this year? I can’t wait! (sarcasm)

• May 29 - Jaws (Not bad, a little nudity at the beginning if, like myself, you’ve got a sharp eye for that sort of thing. I would much rather see Jaws 3-D)
• June 5 - Big Momma’s House (Pardon my French, but what the fuck??)
• June 12 - Chicago (Meh)
• June 19 - E.T. (Can’t go wrong with E.T. if you’re looking to entertain kids who can’t sit still and watch a movie anyway. Probably wouldn’t like it unless you replaced E.T. with Pikachu. Are we even taking kids to this thing? I mean, we did start things off with a movie about a killer shark…)
• June 26 - Viewer’s Choice : Footloose, Back to the Future, or Rocky (I’ve seen Rocky a million times, but it’s not something I’d want to watch while sitting on the grass in the park. Back to the Future all the way… bring back a shred of my wide-eyed wonderment of being a kid. But never… NEVER… give people a choice in the matter. Thanks, now we’re all going to have to sit through Kevin Bacon rebelling against a town that has banned dancing. God forbid.)

Did Anybody Else Feel That?

As I mentioned in my last post, my ex and I are trying it again and I’m going into it with cautious optimism. “But Andy, what about the other girls you were dating and what of Eharmony?” you must be asking.

Apparently getting back together with your ex sends shockwaves of bad karma through your dating life.

The physical therapist broke a date with me for this past Wednesday night… one that she instigated. If you remember, she wanted to see each other friendly/casually and I agreed, so when she asked me out to dinner I knew she wasn’t bullshitting me. I was annoyed because I told her that I wouldn’t be finished at work until 6:30 and wouldn’t be free until 7. She’s texting to see where I am and eventually asks to reschedule before I even get to my car… on grounds that she’s hungry now so she started fixing herself dinner and wanted to be in bed early. Let’s see if she makes this up.

I hadn’t seen the interior designer for nearly two weeks; she took a vacation and I invited her to my birthday extravaganza the following weekend. She didn’t make it, but wanted to give me a “birthday surprise” last Sunday. (Something tells me it wasn’t balloon animals)

I felt like poo, so declined and we agreed on today (Friday). She texted me Wednesday afternoon to cancel, so I called when my plans fell through for that night. It was then that she informed me that she doesn’t want to see me anymore outside of friendship. I had just been flaked on, so I wasn’t in the mood to discuss our inadequacies as partners. My belief is that if you want out, you’re out… no discussion necessary. I just said, “Okay. I’m not looking to jump into a relationship now anyway. Bye.” Totally caught me off guard. Ever notice that many relationships have a see-saw effect: one person is more interested/attracted/invested than the other? I was the latter. We saw each other for about a month. Nothing serious, but I honestly believe there was potential. I have no clue what caused her to change her tune all of the sudden, but my brother’s theory is that a cold shudder went up her spine as soon as I agreed to start seeing J again. (Kind of like when you stick an icecube down the back of your beloved’s pants… how about that for foreplay?)

I’ve still got another couple of weeks on Eharmony. The last couple of women I’ve gotten to the email stage with fizzled out, as I really wasn’t interested in dating more than a couple of women. So I’ll work through my new matches and see if any interest me. That sounds so bad - I’m sure all of these women are awesome people in reality, they just do a terrible job of being engaging in a personals ad. Apparently I am halfway through a free one month subscription to Chemistry. Glad they let me know that I was getting a free month. Those matches are generally just God-awful.

Lately I’ve been really focused on work; looking for a new job and picking-up event hours whenever/wherever I can. New biz isn’t coming like I expected. I spent the past three days at the airport meeting VIPs at the arrivals gate and escorting them to their ride. Easy, mind-numbing, standing-intensive work but the pay is fantastic. Let’s put it this way, I almost paid my car bill in less than 20 hours.

Today I interviewed at an interactive new media advertising agency near Ga Tech and I feel that it went well, with my agency background being a huge plus in my column. I Facebook’ed the girls who interviewed me and laughed when I saw they not only graduated after me (UGA, go figure), but are my younger brother’s age. No doubt we’ll have our fair share of happy hours together.

PS - For those of you that realized that the picture above is of the Transformer, Shockwave, you have earned a beer on me.

Big-Ass Birthday

Saturday was the day I decided to celebrate my birthday, five days late. Face it, Monday birthdays blow. No one is free to do anything, you can’t stay out late, etc. So I put on my party planning pants (they’re plaid) and sent out Evites to my peeps. Up until then, I had only received (and ignored) Evites but never actually tried to use them. It’s kind of sad. The site tells you who has read the invitation, and who gives enough of a shit to actually respond “Yes” or “No”… all the while you’re thinking that your friends don’t like you as much as you had assumed.

All in all, I had 15 people join me for dinner at Agave in Cabbagetown. I had never organized such a large gathering before, as I usually hang-out with my friends in little groups. This time I made them all sit at the same table, forcing homogeny between personalities. Everything went well until there were issues with paying the bill…. tension was palpable and my stomach tied itself into a knot because the control freak in me was losing the battle of having an evening with zero conflict.

After that, most of us went to the Highlands and met up with some of my other friends… the fun, bar-hopping variety. Went to my fave spot, the 10 High for Metalsome karaoke. I like it because it’s a small, dark club with unpretentious people and PBR. I like the music and it’s fun to sing along while people rock out. Little to my knowledge (actually, I should have expected this in advance), I would be one of those people rocking out. Beth snuck off and signed me up to sing some Def Leppard, “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” I totally wouldn’t have picked that, but screw it. So I drank my courage in the form of THREE jager-bombs and TWO PBR tall boys. Climbed on stage with the band and had fun; played up the crowd and at least sang all the words… can’t say it sounded pretty though. So I got my Metalsome cherry popped. People I didn’t know where giving me high-fives. Girls were approaching me to converse. I need to do that every weekend!

In other news, I went to dinner tonight with my ex. She is a totally different person now. She’s funny and has a great attitude. She cut her hair and lost some weight. She’s dealing with her issues, or at least is trying to which counts for a lot. I see in her eyes that she’s still in love with me and knows she was wrong.

I immensely enjoyed the time we spent together tonight. Many of my friends thought it would be a bad idea to see her, but I always try to be the bigger person. I wanted closure. I got it, and a proposal for a fresh start. I’m more attracted to her now than I ever was before. If this is the person she wants to be now, then I’m willing to try it again… but I’m enforcing a speed limit.

On the Contrary…

I wrote a post a couple of days ago about the qualities, characteristics and actions possessed by a “perfect woman.”  I realize it was a generalization, and what is perfect to one man may not hold true for another.  In my case, a tall redhead with great breasts and voracious sexual appetite would make my “perfect woman” more perfect.

So let me pose the following question to my female constituents:  What is the “perfect man?”  Does he possess the qualities that would bring out your “perfect woman?”  I’d love to hear what some of you think about that, but I enjoy more objective and realistic viewpoints rather than specifics like: “He would have tight, hard abs” or “a full head of luscious hair” or “he would watch The Hills with me and enjoy it.”  That last one is just a fantasy.

Decisions, Decisions…

Aside from Radiohead, there are really only two bands I would love to see this summer:  Poison and Stone Temple Pilots.

At least Poison will be playing close (Lakewood) and I can spend $20 for lawn seats.  STP will be at the new Verizon Amphitheatre in Alpharetta… and who knows how much those tickets will be.

Oh yeah.  I had my first experience with the alcoholic drink known as absinthe tonight.  It tastes like the black jellybeans that no one eats… like the last few left after a few months of sitting around, hoping to be eaten.  I didn’t hallucinate and see any pink monsters running up and down the walls, but I can say that I am currently off my ass drunk.  I’m curious to see what the hangover tomorrow will be like.

The Perfect Woman

A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. About six feet tall… 300 pounds… No, a woman is more like a beer. They look good, they smell good and you’d step over your own mother for one. But you can’t just stop at one. Soon you’ve gotta have another woman…

During my daily blog crawl, I came upon an idea that really struck a chord with me. VK has decided that this week is The Perfect Woman Week. Each day of the week, a fellow blogger will create a post on their respective site around the theme of “The Perfect Woman.”

In his own entry, he spoke of a woman he met at a club and brought home. She appealed to his senses as the perfect physical specimen. But it wasn’t until after sex that he truly appreciated her. She asked if he was thirsty, then went downstairs to his kitchen and brought back a glass of ice water for him.

The image of her walking through my bedroom door, in that dress, holding a glass of ice water for me is a portrait in my mind of selflessness. It’s in the simplest of acts that you learn everything you’ll ever need to know about a woman. If she’s kind, if she’s loving, if she’s faithful, if she’ll make a good mother, if she’s the one you take home to your mother.

To me the idea of the perfect woman is a woman who’s willing to put other’s needs before her own. It’s the willingness to please the guy she cares about. It’s the natural nurturing vibe she can give off with a smile. It’s a warmth and tenderness that lets you know that no matter how strong you are, behind closed doors you’re allowed to be weak in front of her and she won’t hold it against you. You’re safe. Someone who’s patient enough to understand that you’re far from perfect but that you’ll come through when it counts.

Today’s blogger, T, breaks things down into a how-to guide for an aspiring “perfect woman.” He believes it ultimately goes back to feminism and the woman’s desire to be respected and equal to men… through trying to be just like men and thereby losing much of what makes them feminine and universally attractive.

Progress to women has increasingly become getting the corner office, working long hours, going to grad school, racking up sex partners, not learning to cook or do housework and binge drinking on the weekend, while giving up a lot of the things that made them unique and strong as women.

Instead of complementing the male gender, the female of the species now aims to duplicate the male gender, and she’s lost a lot of what made her so special to begin with. But the worst part of modern feminism? It made it so that any attempt to please or cater to a man was automatically seen as a sign of weakness, self-hate or even glorified slavery. If a woman chose to stay at home and be a housewife she was a pariah. Cooking for a man or doing housework became a form of oppressive servitude. Then it reached the point where catering to and building up the male ego became the same as devaluing your worth as a woman.